Sabbara Family: July 2009

Today Richard and I both took off work because it was going to be a big day. First we went and got Victor's 1 Year portraits done. He was a good sport but was really getting tired and cranky toward the end. Then Richard and I dropped Victor off at daycare and had a rare middle of the week middle of the day date. We went and saw Harry Potter at the Alamo Drafthouse. Was a good movie though not as good as the books, but movies never are. Afterward we went and picked up the pictures and picked up Victor and took him for his one year check up (where he had to get shots.) Then home and with it the fun of sorting through all the pictures and figuring out who gets what.. We are all so tired and Victor is already in bed and I will be going to mine soon.

For most of us, when we become parents, something happens and we begin to change who we are and what our priorities are in life. Up until now, I thought that these changes would be the equivalent of pulling off a band aide, a little painful at first but worth it when it’s done. As my child has recently turned 11 months old, I have learned that having a child continuously changes us and these changes started long before we had the child.
When my wife and I were getting married, we were required by the church to go through a series of marriage prep classes. We were lucky enough to have Deacon Ron take us through our classes. He was a grandfatherly type gentleman with a large family. We could not shock or offend him (except that my Catholic mother was willing to buy my brother and I condoms, but that is another story). During the course of our pre-marriage counseling one part of the questions that came up were around the topic of kids. Things such as did we want children, how many and how did we plan to raise them were topics of discussion.
Preparing for the child that we knew we would one day have was the basis for a lot of our decisions including the type of car we bought, the type of neighborhood we were going to live in and the church we chose. When we toured the house in which we now live Sarah walked into what is now the babies room and said “This is going to be the babies room.” When the first round of fertility didn’t work out and we wanted a dog, we chose a breed that is good with kids.
And yet, from the day that Victor was brought into this world I realized how totally unprepared we were for parenthood. One night when we were having dinner with my mother I made the comment “Mom, you don’t understand how much we are struggling right now, you and dad never struggled like this.” At the age of 33, I never knew to what extent my parents struggled to raise us.
As parents, we make small and large sacrifices for our children, some small and some large, and we do it because we love them. More importantly, we make the sacrifices and our children never know it. For example, today we bought diapers for my son, he didn’t know, care of understand that the $40 for a case of diapers that we spent once was used for meal out my wife and I don’t do anymore. When he goes to daycare, he thinks it’s a part of life, he does not know how much my wife and I agonize over the fact that he goes and that we log in on the internet to see him several times a day. My parents agonized over the similar things, and yet, we never saw it. My mother in law once told me that when it comes to spending money for your child, 1+1 = 3. When we will need the money for something Victor needs, it will work out in a way that won’t make sense if we think about it.
I have said before, my father passed away many years ago, and as my son gets older I find that I miss my father more and more. Several times since my father has passed have I tried to find a similar father figure for my life, and while I have certain friends who come close, I realize that nobody will ever fill that void.
My father sacrificed more than I will ever know so that I could have the opportunities that I have. He left his home in Jerusalem in his early twenties and went to Africa to work. There, he was ostracized, protested against and at one point literally had an angry mob calling for his head (he was not a people person back then). He worked six days a week, 12 – 14 hours a day, all for the kids that he knew he would one day have that he wanted to bring to America to raise. His dream was to have his children come to America and educated in American schools. Before making it to America, he and my mom lived all over the world including Europe (paradise), and then Saudi Arabia (not paradise). When they came here, my father worked 10 – 12 hour days and accomplished some amazing things in his time, once again his motivation was his children. Before he died, he accomplished more in his life than he could have ever hoped for in many regards.
As I agonize over the things a parent agonizes over, I remember that one night I had a fight with my mom about my dad. She asked me why I didn’t talk to him more and I told her there was no point. Whatever the situation that I went to my father with, I would get one of three replies:
Thing positive
Have faith
Life is not always fair, I too struggle and have struggled, its part of life.
The reason that I am reflecting on this is that the past few months with Victor have been challenging to say the least. I have undergone several drastic changes at my job and at home. During these times, I find myself wanting to talk to my dad, although if I stop and think about it, I know what his advice to me will be “God will get you thru it, keep you head up high and realize you will be stronger when you are done.”
At the end of the day, God is, always has been and always will be in control of my life. Nothing that has happened before, now or in the future can happen without him allowing it. Life is roller coaster, the path is laid out, no sense in worrying about the ups and downs, ride them out and enjoy the ride while it lasts.